JoeCartoon

Maggie’s Song
knock the books off my desk during class,
take my lunch money and kick my ass,
snapped all the pencils in my pencil case,
through the dodge ball really hard at my face.
trip me when i’m walkin down the hall,
give me a swirley in the bathroom stall,
shot me in the butt with yer BB-gun,
through my ant farm out the window just for fun!
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
you ain’t gonna like it when i do.
stepped on my fingers on the monkey bars,
plugged up the air holes on my frogs jar,
pulled my underpants way on up over my head,
told the cheerleaders that i occasionally wet the bed.
thank you very much!
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
i’m gonna tell my mom on you,
you ain’t gonna like it when i do.
my mom said “joe you know the golden rule,
you aint alowed to fight especially in school,
besides you know you can’t hit a girl you know that aint cool,
ever stop to think that she might like you?
oh maggie i never knew,
oh maggie i never knew,
i just have one thing i think i need to say to you!
i think i like you to!

Here’s a cool way to help out the earthquake victims in Haiti…
Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll!

From the seller:

Finally! What you’ve all been asking for! A one of a kind, handmade PAT ROBERSTON VOODOO DOLL.

After an exclusive deal with devil, we are finally able to bring black magic into your very own home! The lucky winner of this auction will attain the soul of Televangelist PAT ROBERTSON in a handheld figurine comprised of the finest straw, cloth, and other organic natural materials!

Ever wanted to cause Pat Robertson a massive headache? give him back pain? jab him in the crotch? Of course you have! Well then BID NOW to own your very own pysical representation of the dark, dark soul of Pat Robertson.

Accessories included with the doll are Pat’s very own “HOLY” BIBLE and BAG OF MONEY taken from real Americans! WOW!

BID NOW!!!!

100% of the profits from the sale of this doll will go to The American Red Cross. To learn more about The Red Cross, VISIT HERE….
RedCross.org

If your New Year’s resolution involves the desire to squish more ‘possums, then boy do we have the product for you! It’s the Possum Whistle! It turns any Sunday drive into a ‘possum squishin’ mow-down. Click here to learn how to get yours today!

The Greenfield’s have recorded a special message for you all to help you ring in the new year. Oddly enough, it looks and sounds an awful lot like the one they did last New Years Eve. At any rate - take these sage words of advice with you as you enter 2010.

The Holidays are all about tradition. Some are good, some are bad, some get shot out of your ice cold rear end. Please make the JoeCartoon Holiday Collection part of your Holiday tradition.

Click here to get an inside peek at Santa and his favorite little green diversion.

Here’s a nice photo sent in by Russell and Ruth, two diehard JoeCartoon fans from the great State of Alabama, with the following note:

Merry Christmas Joe! We just wanted to send you a photo of the homestead, all done up nice for the Holidays. Russell gave up his only means of reliable transportation for the sake of this installation but the Quality Farm & Fleet is only a few short a miles away. His daily commute has gotten a little longer but Lord knows he needs the exercise.

Roll Tide!

R & R

Jeb and Gertrude discuss the gift giving season. It’s short and sweet and a little bit of tear jerker. So fire up the yule log, turn down the lights, grab yer honey, a comforter, some eggnog and some big whiskey and press play. Get some!

Dearest Devoted Joehead,

The world is a dangerous place filled with dooshbags of all kinds. We offer you the latest example, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a Blender

Beers!

Joe

“Joe” is back and he’s eating LUNCH! Superfly joins him for soup. Really.

Click here to watch!

Simon Cowell gets the long overdue Dooshbag in a Blender treatment!!!

Click here to view!!!

You loved “Chris Crocker in a Blender”, you loved “Fred in a Blender”, and when we asked what “DOOOOSHBAG” should be next, this lady was at the top of the list. So if you wanna know who that “DOOOOSHBAG” is, there’s only one way to find out… Go Here!

Today I give to you in it’s purest form the most random, pointless cartoon in all of history. For the weak of fortitude, please view with caution. This is not a brain friendly cartoon. On a personal note. I saw myself in the mirror this morning and I am stunning. Simply stunning.

F-Bombs and Potatoes!

Beers!
Joe

Dearest Devoted Joehead,

We put another doooshbag in a blender. His name is Fred. Now he’s…. well…. blended. Wanna play?

Beers,
Joe

The number of people doing their own covers of I’m a Little Catfish have gotten so out of hand Joe decided to do his own version.

Dearest Devoted Joehead,

As an astute observer of life I am compelled by love of it to share with you the pitfalls that encumber us to occasionally lose sight of anything meaningful. It is only in honest heartfelt discourse that resolution can be found. Although, upon further reflection a nail does sometimes need the love tap of a hammer.

All that being so eloquently said I now present to you another ramble fest of pure genius: Bridging the Gap 2

If you don’t find this is anyway humorous or spiritually enlightening, please drink 7 beers and watch it again.

And to continue with the cliff theme, enjoy the Lemmings once again…

Live and Let Dive 1

My loins ache for approval.

Joe

For those of you who have been asking themselves, “How does Joe start his day?” Well there is no better time to find out that right now.

Click here to find out!

Beers,
Joe

If we ever decide to have an official house band, these guys are on the short list.

Dearest Devoted JoeHead,

I give unto you the first in a new series of what I hope will be considered the defining psychological thriller of our time. “Bridging the Gap“. Short, sweet, simple and reticent. It is a must “send to a friend” that has the power to heal. Immediately following a 100 person secret screening 70 members of the audience reported sending flowers to a forgotten loved one. 29 sent candy and 1 just didn’t give a shit.

Peace,
love,
harmony,

Joe